We all have our own triggers for what makes us angry. And everyone interpret situations differently, some may not feel as angry towards a situation as we do. As for me, I don't generally attack based on anger unless someone provokes me and treats me unfairly and disrespectfully. And depending on the situation and the people involved, I can feel angry a long time like a thunder storm or you may see my anger pass like a quick rain.
I've lost patience in certain situations. And quite recently, I found myself expressing my anger aggressively (verbally) to someone close as a response to an unjust attack which made me feel devalued, unappriciated and disrespected. I literally exploded out of anger and threw off some hurtful words which I had kept to myself while being critized and provoked all my life. It made me feel satisfied for a fleeting moment, but I see it came with a handful of negative emotions. Eventhough I think it's normal to get angry when we are confronted with a situation we find to be unjust, intolerable and unexpedtedly disadvantageous, but deep down I feel like I am an equally selfish and disrespectful person for expressing my anger that way as a response.
I think getting angry can neither be good or bad. It depends on how we express anger to an upsetting situation without getting too far? But to me, it's more of 'when is it worth ACTING ANGRY?'
I personally think that it's NOT OK to provoke, stomp, rage and tantrum. They are rather childish, bullying and abusive. Nor is it appropriate to demand others to behave or live in a specific manner. It is perfectly appropriate to inform people of our expectations and needs, without varnish, and to lay out how we will behave in the event that our expectations are not met. See the difference?
At the end of the day, we cannot control others. But we have every right to lay out our expectations, and make others aware that if they are not met, some additional action will be taken. It may mean changing or ending a relationship, it may mean changing employment, living arrangements and etc. Or it may simply be reframing the fundamental way we consider another person. All of which we have the right to do. But NOT by ACTING ANGRY?
I am perfectly imperfect myself. But I wish I could tell everyone based on the lessons I learnt from the recent conflict is that no matter how you have been badly treated, try do the following:
1. Remain calm/Istighfar
2. Avoid talking to the person involved/situation at the time rather than defending yourself
3. Keep a good attitude when someone mocks at you, belittle you, talking bad about you, saying bad stuff about your pasts and disrespecting your feelings
Lastly, if you are a believer of Allah, remember that trials and tribulations in life come with both purpose and reward. And most of the time, they are merely tests of our patience before we could earn Allah's mercy and blessings. The more patience you have, the more blessings you get, InshaAllah. :)
Love,
A